November 17, 2008

November 17, 2008
Dear Friend,
There are the times in our lives when we need just a little bit of hope, or encouragement to get us through to tomorrow. When I was in high school, I used to run track and practices were really hard sometimes. Almost to the point people would throw up, including me a few times. We had an exercise called “quarters”, where we would have to sprint the length of a track in certain amount of time. I hated them. Everybody hated them. During those times I needed something to take my mind off of what I was doing. So, I would focus on the time I beat this girl in a race. We started out on the same pace, and then coming up on the last hundred yards, I passed her and won my race. The thought of beating that girl was what got me through “quarters”. I focused on winning the race and how proud my coaches and family was of me. It’s nice to feel appreciated and it is also a great motivator.
In the past few years my family has suffered many losses. Beginning with my uncle, then my great grandma, my grandma’s friend, and finally ending with my maternal grandfather. It’s been rough, especially for my dad. My uncle was his one of his best friends, if not The Best. My dad was stuck in a rut for a long time, and the stress he that came with his job on top of all the emotions that he had built up from what had just happened; he couldn’t contain it anymore. So, he took it out on my mom, my brother and me. I can remember going downstairs to ask him a question about my math. The conversation would start out fine, and then when I would try to explain something to him, but it was his way or the highway. I couldn’t win. My mom would tell me to ignore it, but I couldn’t. It got so bad, that my dad and I couldn’t hold a conversation without him being pissed off at me or me crying. Around the beginning of this year, things started looking up. We stopped trying to one up each other and started listening. Our fights weren’t only hurting each other’s feelings, but it hurt my mom to see us that way, and it affected my brother because he had to deal with the rage when the fights were over. I feel like my dad and I are closer than ever now. A few weeks ago he came up to Denver to come eat dinner with me. We had a great time. No fights, just a father and a daughter having a good time. He said to me, “It’s too bad you’re not drinking with me. When you turn twenty-one it’s me and you.” We have always loved each other, no matter how frustrated or upset we were. It just took some time for us to realize that we are all we have.
My sophomore year was different for me. I had good friends, I had a loving family, and I had great grades. The only problem was me. I’m happy a good majority of the time, and it came to my mom’s attention that something was wrong. I was sad and I didn’t even notice it. My friends would invite me to hang out and all I found myself wanting to do was my homework. The only good thing about this was that my grades were top notch. My mom was really worried, and considered taking me to a shrink. I eventually fell out of whatever I was going through. I guess I was just sad, and if I focused on something, then I had a goal to reach, and being sad wouldn’t be so noticeable. Sometimes I still feel sad or maybe it’s more so stressed, but instead of doing homework, I paint my nails. I love doing my nails. Ask anyone of my roommates and/or friends. Again, it’s the point of focusing on something other than whatever I’m trying to avoid. It calms me down most of the time, plus my nails always look nice.

Love always,
Brover
P.S. I hope you weren’t too confused when reading this. I just had a bunch of different stuff to say.

November 5, 2008

November 5, 2008
Dear Friend,
I have been going over and over in my head about songs that remind me of my dad. I miss him more than I thought I would and I need something that will make it feel as if he is still with me. So I am making a CD mix for the both of us. Here is what I have so far.
“Letter to Me” – Brad Paisley
“Daughters”- John Mayer
“I love this bar”- Toby Keith
“Come as you are” – Nirvana
“Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)”- Green Day
“Santeria” -Sublime
“It’s 5 o’ clock somewhere”- Allan Jackson, Jimmy Buffet
“1979”- Smashing Pumpkins
“Sitting, Waiting, Wishing”- Jack Johnson
“Scar Tissue”- Red Hot Chili Peppers
“How do you like me now” – Toby Keith
“Letter to Me” – Brad Paisley
You may notice that I doubled the Brad Paisley song, “Letter to me”. I feel like that that is a song that would best describe the relationship I share with my dad. He is always trying to set me up for success. He constantly reminds me how much I have in my life and to focus on the good things in life rather than focusing on the negative. People need reassurance every now and then, just to let them know that what they are doing is right because it is right for them; and what hasn’t already come, will come eventually. I hope when my dad hears this CD it will remind him of the last 18 years we have spent together, and how he was one of the sole reasons why I have made it this far. I want him to know that he has fulfilled his job at being a parent and it shows through me and my brother in school and life.
Part II
My brother never knows when to quit.
My dad always has to have the last word.
My mom is pretty good about turning things around to a positive point of view.
My grandpa really knew how to have a good time.
My grandma never fails a good meal.